Today I did the thing that I am sure each person does at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately for me, today was that day. I was late for a presentation. LATE! It was awful and I have never been more embarrased in my entire life. 25 Minutes. That is A LOT of minutes. Luckily for me, my partner was there and got everything set up while the class just stared at her. I worked SOOO hard on it too, and it looked awesome yet I still slept in. Also, my professor is totally awesome and said “These things happen.” WHAT??!!?? I was seriously expecting a zero. The presentation itself was only supposed o be 1/2 an hour long.
I just can’t find enough time to do all of the things I need to do. Between school (a full courseload this semester, and I have to graduate this year), my work placement (12 hours a week downtown at the Women in Crisis Sexual Assault Centre, which is a totally emotionally draning job), my part-time job serving and bartending (about 3 shifts a week, although I need the money so I want more but then I would fail at all other aspects of my life), Gerontology and ADFW Student Association (of which I am the President), Kate’s wedding, boyfriend (which is a job all in itself) and being a good daughter, sister and friend I am DRAINED!!!! I have no time for relaxing, I am up until at least 1 or 2am each night studying, creating projects, doing assignments or just reading I am starting to become burnt-out! But it is all stuff that I can’t stop doing. Right now I am skipping 2 classes to do a project for my placement class, to type up a Constitution for Gero, and to study for a midterm that I have Thursday and I just finished my presentation for Gero class. At least I can check that off my list! I have to work Wednesday night and have a midterm Thursday morning.
I guess this is what to expect in my fourth year of University. In some ways, I REALLY like it. I like being pushed and challenged and to have a lot of responsibilities outside of my comfort zone. It helps me to grow as a person and realize what I am capable of (and not capable of). But it sure is a lot to handle.
I am thinking about applying for a job on campus and leaving my other job. Or, just taking a leave of absence. I lately am really thinking about going into Therapy and Counseling, and I would like a job on campus at the Couple and Family Therapy Centre. First of all, a job on campus would make my life SOO much easier. Second of all, I would have the evenings to do work and be an actual person. I guess when I go in to work and all I do is pour beer for people I have to pretend to care about, all the while having to talk to (and get hit on by) some absolutely vile, disgusting persons who don’t even deserve to be alive (okay, maybe only one) it gets tiring. Don’t get me wrong – I LOVE my job. I love my bosses, my coworkers, and most of the customers, but it gets tiring. Also, it is a trap that I don’t want to fall into what I am saying is that serving and bartending is easy. It comes naturally to me, I love people and meeting new people and learning about others lives but it gets so tiring after awhile. It is not what I want to do after graduation, or for any length of time for the rest of my life. Maybe this all stems from my need to be challenged and pushed. This job is not challenging me enough. Sure, the money isn’t bad, but I don’t want my life experiences and learning to be based on money (or lack thereof). I have the job because it is easy and it makes me money. Why can’t I find a job in a field that interests me and makes me money? This is why I have made a pact to myself to apply for a job at the Family & Therapy Centre – even just as a receptionist would get me some actual experience in a career path and job field I am interested in.
I never thought I was the person to go back to school after achieving my undergrad, but with graduation approaching, the idea of NOT being in school scares me. Maybe it is a little bit of a cop-out – putting off real life for as long as I can while I can further educate myself and make it seem to others that I have it all figured out. Like I know what I am doing, while in reality I have no idea.
So this is me thinking about graduate school. Scary. I know.
This whole post was supposed to be about a new fashion obsession but it has turned into a vent for my feelings. Although, as a wise person has once told me – “Leah, you have to feel your feelings.”
“Their line originated in the childhood dream of sisters… the Beckermans remain an idustrious team.” Eric Wilson, The New York Times
The Beckermans are three (blonde!) sisters from Toronto who created a fashion line based on their own unique personal styles. The clothes are great, they have a lot of fun with their designs and they are living out their dream. There is currently an entire Facebook group dedicated to pictures of people wearing their clothes. (Check out the “I’M WEARING BECKERMAN!!!” group)
Check out their site (www.beckermans.com) and let me know what you guys think!
Now it is back to reality and the books for me.